This took place this morning while he was doing his hair while I was in the shower:
Oswald: What do we got going on this weekend? (asked every week)
Me: Nothing that I’m aware of… except there are a couple of estate sales I wouldn’t mind hitting up, even if they don’t really have any taxidermy listed. Although I did see one with half a bear. I’m not sure when that one was though. Half a bear might be fun.
Oswald: Collecting taxidermy is too expensive to have as a hobby.
Me: If I don’t have any babies soon, I need more animals and at least these ones don’t piss all over the new carpet. And you don’t have to pay for food and cat litter and shots and stuff. We’re totally saving money by owning taxidermied animals.
Oswald: So why don’t we just stuff the cats we have?
Me: Like, now?
Me: Ok, but Meema is going to be made into a pillow because she is so mink-soft and Pookie absolutely has to be made into one of those RC cat-helicopters. It’s like they were born with that as their fate. Kind of like how I am fated to be Plastinated when I die.
Just kidding. I would never stuff my cats… I would totally wait till they died of natural causes and then stuff them. Seriously, Meema really is mink-soft. You gotta feel this cat. She’s got amazingly soft fur and it’s something that I’ve joked about all her life. I really do love those cats, even though they are gross and did piss all over our old carpet (mostly Pookie, but he did have a UTI and then they both thought that since he had already marked up the place that was perfectly acceptable behavior) and Meema has that bulimia-like thing where she yaks all the time after she eats and drinks. I don’t know how she finally managed to actually get semi-chunky, because it’s miraculous that she actually gets enough nutrition. Also, why do cats insist on puking on carpet? We only have carpet on our stairs, hallway and bedrooms. EVERYWHERE ELSE is tiled and yet she can’t puke on any tile. Nay, nay. Only carpet is good enough for my princess to barf her brains out on.
And I’m not joking about the Plastination. I’m really really having that done when I die.