Today I blocked a family member off of facebook.
For me, that is a HUGE deal. Family means everything to me. This particular family member just willfully refuses to get what I am trying to say. She is so caught up in her own self-righteousness that she can’t see the world beyond her own nose. I can’t take the militant and judgmental attitude anymore. I just can’t.
I think that with everything I’ve been through the last few years, I just have zero tolerance for bullshit. I am not normally like this. My siblings are the overly-dramatic, all-or-nothing types (you know you are. Don’t you go getting all offended at me too. I need you.). I’m the calm one. The peace-keeper. The one that random elderly people love so dearly because of being such a “sweetheart”. I see how my siblings (and even parents sometimes, and several aunts actually) are and I try to keep it reasonable, because family is so important. They are blood, they are part of your heritage… But I am stressed-the-fuck-out and I don’t need your poisonous attitude and comments. I tried hiding her from my newsfeed, but she kept over-commenting her intolerance and judgement on my posts and making me feel like I’m not allowed to my own point of view. “With me or against me” type of attitude. You know what? Fuck it. I don’t need that.
This was really hard to do. This woman was like a 2nd mother to me. She loved me like I was her own before she got married and had her own kids. I don’t know if she just got more of a zealot and fanatic over the years, or if her husband turned her that way, or maybe I just didn’t notice it before because I was a little kid.
I even removed myself off of a private family page that she was on, just so that we wouldn’t accidentally cross paths. I previously threatened to delete my facebook page, so maybe she’ll think I actually followed thru with it… Her own daughter did it several times, why can’t I? I need a break from her. She’s a grudge-holder by nature, so it’s going to be a while before everything is back to normal. (hey, aren’t christians supposed to be forgiving? wtf is up with that?!) There is a very good chance that I may not actually see her for the next year, so this could turn out to be not so bad. I have hope that someday our relationship can be fixed.
I am so upset right now I can’t even sleep. It’s now after 1am and it’s Monday and I have to work this morning. Some days, I think I need to take up alcoholism… or pills… a little “Judy Garland trail-mix” sounds great right now…