Low blow to start off my day

I started my day today just checking the headlines on my yahoo front page, seeing if there is anything worth reading.  I see this story about babies being abandoned in Greece, Italy & Germany (All over Europe, but focusing in on these 3) because the economy is so bad and so many people are now at poverty level and can’t afford to feed the children they have or clothe them or keep a roof over their own head. It’s a horrible thing that these women must be feeling to have to give up their children to survive and in hopes that someone else can take better care of their child so that it can survive too. Can you just imagine?

My first thought was “Ok, I need to go to some country in Europe- there’s thousands of babies now to adopt and I can give one a good home.” But then my own brain kicks in and I can’t help but think: I can afford to have a baby. To raise it and feed it and give it a home to live in and clothes to dress it in… but I can’t have a baby because I am infertile. All these fertile women are being forced to give up their babies, but they can make all kinds more if they really wanted to (and probably will- if you can’t afford food, you can’t afford birth control), and my body won’t not kill a baby trying to grow inside of it. It’s fucked up, but that’s my brain.

And then another headline catches my eye: Paranormal State’s Ryan Buell is diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer. Wait, WHAT?! When did this happen? OMG. How awful. I used to watch his show ALL the time. Oswald used to get all “you don’t really believe this stuff, do you?” – totally skeptical, trying to call out everything on screen. I loved that show. I had a huge crush on Ryan. He’s my age. And Pancreatic Cancer is a really tough one to beat. Remember in that movie “Space Cowboys”- Tommy Lee Jones’ character had Pancreatic Cancer and knowing it was fatal, he volunteered to fly off with the satellite and land it on the moon so it wouldn’t go crashing to the earth or explode and hurt anyone? And the last shot was that he made it, sitting on the moon, presumably dead or enjoying his last view of the earth before succumbing to death. Patrick “the Swayz” Swayze died from Pancreatic Cancer. Steve Jobs died from Pancreatic Cancer. I’m already vulnerable from the first story, but after seeing this one, I seriously burst into tears. I can’t help it. Both stories just hit too close to home for me. And then I see this picture. And this one. And I’m really bawling by this time. I can’t stop because the world is just so unbelievably fucking unfair.

I’m sorry for 2 depressing posts in a row. No I’m not. It’s my blog and I created it to get my feelings out so they don’t fester inside and I have another nervous breakdown (4 years “sane” this month! whoo-hoo! <eye-roll>).

If you read this, please say a prayer for the abandoned or starving children of Europe- innocent victims who were born into an extraordinarily shitty economy. And say a prayer for Ryan.

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