*Up* Syndrome…

I’m trying to read a blog post by a woman who 2 years ago gave birth to a precious little baby girl who has Downs Syndrome. She didn’t know her baby would have it until she held her baby for the first time.

…and while I can understand what she’s going through, her baby is not what she expected at all, I feel like she’s being so selfish. I would consider myself so incredibly blessed to have a baby with Downs. Of course I want my baby to be healthy and “normal” but I would feel equally blessed just to have that baby in my life, no matter what was “wrong” with it.

Now that I’m 30 and theoretically half my life is gone, I’m trying so hard not to go into panic-mode about not being able to have a successful pregnancy resulting in a real-live-baby. As long as my baby is born alive and with promise of a long life ahead, the day I give birth will be the happiest day of my life, regardless of whatever challenges lie ahead. There is nothing that I want more in this life than to be a mommy. Not just a cat-mom and a dog-mom, but an actual mom. I have a gigantic baby-sized hole in my heart from the 3 that I lost.

Please, God: please let this be the year.



Ok, finished reading the whole thing- it took a while because I was in serious danger of crying my eyes out at work. She is thankful now, but just had a hard time accepting it the first day of her daughter’s life… Still, I say “lucky bitch”.


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