Strength-schmangth

Every so often the realization hits me: I threw my best friend a baby shower 2 weeks after I had a miscarriage.

Holy shit people.

I’m not even sure how I did that. I do know that she is probably one of the only people  in the entire world that I could have done that for. If it was anyone else, I quite possibly would not have even been able to *attend* their baby shower.

Someone might point out that I was just being “strong”, but I can tell you right now that it’s probably not the case. I think it was most likely the power of my love for her and her peanut and also probably a hefty dose of numbness from the intensity of grief.

Regardless of how I pulled it off, I deserve a fucking medal for being such a fucking awesome friend.  (I know she appreciates it. This is my version of flexing in a mirror, since I won’t actually do it because it annoys the shit out of me when Oswald does it (all the damn time!)) (I love you Goober!)

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Someone please check on me December 6th. That was my twins due date and I know I won’t be ok. I will be at work that day, but it’s going to be rough. I will probably be holding my shit together with a prayer and a paperclip.

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I really need to post some funny shit on here soon. This shit’s depressing as fuck.

Too bad I’m trying to stay “incognito” because I want to post a link to my hilarious-ass Pinterest board like Jenny does, because Dayum I pin some funny-ass shit.  And a hell of a lot more often than she does. If you’re reading this, there is a 99% chance you know me, so go check out my boards and laugh your ass off. You’re welcome.

My inner super hero is the OLD Hulk. Not the regular Hulk when he’s old, but his curmudgeonly grandfather.

Most people morph into their parents as they age… not me. I skipped a whole generation and am turning into my crabby (but lovable) grandfather.

I’m reading a book where the main character lives in the same apartment as Claude Debussy in 1891- she actually lives directly above him and her brother, who is friends with Claude, told her that La damoiselle élue is written about her (she looks like a Rossetti (founder of the Pre-Raphaelite movement) painting). ANYWAYS. This sounds super-familiar… but I can’t think of what the song actually sounds like. I look it up on my music service, but it’s not pulling up any suggestions. I finally found it just a little bit ago and started playing it.

The title is familiar, but the song is not at all.

It’s actually really annoying.

Holy crap, I’m turning into a crotchety old man!

 

Okay, I’m not sure if the song as it is written is annoying (chords) or if the singer is just horrible or what. The singer is horrible. She sounds like when I had to find wedding music to sing and could only find what we refer to as “little old church ladies” (not an actual insult- just used to describe) singing bad opera-style.

I have noticed lately, in the last several months or so, getting that nails-on-a-chalkboard feeling from certain songs that have strange chords- mostly “modern” classical… and I do start getting impatient with the music after a short while and have to hurry up and change the song because I am inexplicably on the verge of anger and annoyance. I find myself shorter-tempered while listening to certain songs, even if I normally like that song (any type of  music). Sometimes I just feel like “I don’t have time for this shit” when listening to new songs that I’ve never heard before if I’m not instantly grooving.

I don’t know if my lack of audio-tolerance is from getting older or just crankier or maybe even from spending so many years at karaoke, being forced to listen to awful song choices or singers…

 

I did find a better version of La damoiselle élue that is performed by Victoria de los Angeles, who is actually a very talented singer whom I enjoy. She is on several tracks of one of my favorite opera CD’s. I think with that version before, it was a combination of bad singing and some wonky chords. I stuck it out thru this one, even though I was starting to feel the rage creeping in once that 13:51 mark hit with the wonky chords. Not sure if it was worth it. It only got vaguely better after another minute or so.

Meh. Deleted from playlist.

 

 

Side note: if you don’t know who Claude Debussy is, fucking go read a book. Google that shit. You’re really missing out on life. He wrote Clair de Lune, which is a totally gorgeous piano piece. Also, Google “Pre-Raphaelite” if you don’t know what that is either. It’s one of my favorite styles of painting.

I really worry about people in this day and age. Probably because I’m a crotchety old man at heart.

Retraction

I take it back.

Those of you subscribed (oh ye precious few) who got an email with that last post- there is no cause for alarm. 

Oswald sat me down for a huge discussion and I’m feeling a lot better. 

Sometimes being alone with my thoughts is the scariest thing of all. 

 

Thank you, Cakes, for your phone call across state-lines. It means so much to hear your angry-in-love voice. I love you so much. 

 

ok, I’m faling alseep now from that vicodin ai took for my massive headach from crying so mcuh..

I’m ok tho.